XFL Dumps Vegas Vipers You Didn’t Know Existed


It seems Las Vegas will have one fewer pro sports teams in 2024, the Vegas Vipers.

Apparently, the Vegas Vipers were part of the XFL, a sports league. The XFL is exactly like the NFL, but without the burden of being popular or financially viable.

The XFL is merging with USFL to become the UFL, or United Football League. The merge didn’t include the Vegas Vipers. Glorious and awkward.

One day, a Viper, next day, vapor. In Las Vegas, it’s best to not get emotionally attached.

The UFL will have eight teams consisting of five XFL teams and three USFL teams. In short, the Vegas Vipers have been discarded like free Criss Angel tickets.

The proliferation of sports in Las Vegas has been widely chronicled, a welcome cure for our insomnia.

Frankly, we think sports have ruined Las Vegas, but that’s for another time.

Depending upon who you ask, the demise of the Vegas Vipers is tragic or not much of a bummer at all given the fact the team had a smaller attendance than the average thumb fight.

The Vegas Vipers was last in attendance in the XFL, averaging about 6,000 fans per fame. They lost eight of 10 games in 2023, mostly in an attempt to make the Raiders look like winners.

Not kidding, their tagline was, “All bite.”

Despite the unceremonious dissolution of the Vegas Vipers, never fear, Las Vegas still has a metric ass-ton of sports, despite our best efforts.

Most of the current sports chatter involves the potential move of the A’s to Las Vegas. That’s right, Sports Illustrated says we are “a pretty good source of information.” Finally, the richly-deserved acknowledgement of our boundless sports expertise. If you had difficultly reading that sentence with a straight face, imagine us trying to type it. Here’s more A’s talk. It’s worth noting Unsourced Vagueness was our band in high school.

Here’s the Vegas Viper sizzle reel, filled with something approximating the English language.

Our sources say there’s about a 60/40 chance the A’s move happens, and the planned Tropicana site is iffy at best due to a number of challenges. Discussions are ongoing with Rio and Phil Ruffin, owner of Circus Circus and the Las Vegas Fair Grounds (near the Bonanza Gift Shop).

It’s fairly certain Las Vegas will get a MLB team, even if it’s not the A’s, and an NBA team is pretty much a lock for the new Oakview project south of The Strip.

We are personally hoping Las Vegas gets a professional cornhole team, just so we can Tweet the word “cornhole” more often.

We are sorry to see you go, Vegas Vipers! We’re sure you’ll find other ways to give and get concussions soon enough.

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